you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
