Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
