long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
