Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
