Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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