Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
