oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
