I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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