Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
