based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
