would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize