Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
