My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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