Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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