so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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