I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize