you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
