I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
