we have officially lost it.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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