Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
