she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
