We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
