the condom got lost in my hair
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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