the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
