Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
