Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
