and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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