Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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