***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
