we have officially lost it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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