so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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