My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
