Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
