she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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