i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
