two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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