so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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