yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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