He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
