I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
