Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
