i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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