I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
