If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
