i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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