you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
