Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
