I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
