My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
last night I used snow as a chaser
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
