drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
