You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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