Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
