I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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