But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
