I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
