Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
