so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
