I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
