What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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