Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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