Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
