I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Don't make out with my wife yet
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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