The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
