THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
