a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Found the puke drawer
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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