you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't deserve a penis
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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