i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
