i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
