SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
