Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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