Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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